twostringsonebow

Because I
I can't sleep sometimes at night. I was going to tell you and Miss Velveteen once we moved in, but there are some nights I find myself wide awake and watching everything from medical procedures to videos presenting pseudoscience as fact.
Akira's been my go to person to help with that.
Though. It is rather selfish of me to depend on him. He actually has normal sleeping patterns, I think. Except for sometimes.

Anyway the point is that I have an excuse at night and that makes me feel better. I'm sure I could do it at other hours too, I'm just... stupid. I'm very stupid.

You're a damn idiot, that's for sure.
Where are you? I don't want half of our conversation flying off into outer space.

[........... oh my god he doesn't want to do face to face interactions with people??

but silver is fine.]

By the slide at the park, for the moment. I had to take a jog to burn off excess feelings.

Oh hey, I wonder if I can see you.

Yup. Be there in a minute.

[....???????]

[...?????????? Okay??? He'll sit here? What of it, Silver. Where are you.]

[He's running up with some ridiculous shit on his face!

...

Running much, much faster than him is Sneasel, who climbs up to look Goro over curiously. Who's this guy? Is he important?]

Yo.

[It's impossible to tell what Silver's says until he gets closer, but there's definitely something strange hovering over his head. A cloud...?]

[HEL...LO NEW FRIEND? HELLO. Oh, you are kind of fucking cute. Akira would have a field day with you.

There's what a strange creature and a new friend of Silver's? above Goro's head, but it's not like he's going to keep the thoughts to himself.

... Honestly, Goro doesn't like reading people's private thoughts, so he's been trying to avoid it if he can. The cloud's interesting though. Why.]

One, you look ridiculous. Two... a new friend of yours?

[IT'S NOTHING COOL OR SPECIAL I'm just trying to describe the thought bubbles and I'm tired.]

Shut up, I look cool.

[I may look stupid, but Goro's not allowed to say it-]

He's a Sneasel. I haven't come up with a nickname for him yet.

[I can't believe I grew up with a bunch of him. He's adorable. Maybe I shouldn't take it lightly- oh hell, growing up with a bunch of magic ice weasel cats is so much better than foster care, that's no contest.]

Is there room for one more up there?

[I FEEL.]

Of course. Be our guest, though it'll be a little bit of a squeeze I guess.

[Did he really grow up with them? That's awfully cool. I'm a little jealous, Sneasel's adorable... name, name, Sneezie? No. Puss, for the clever cat.]

Aoi, Princess, and... Puss? From Puss in Boots. He's charming.

[Puss in boots... That's not bad. But he's not really a cat... Maybe it would make a good Halloween costume?]

There's no use in rushing this stuff. Princess took weeks.

[Of course, the best he could do was Princess, but that's not the point. Either way, Silver climbs up and sits wherever there's room so he can properly keep Goro company. Sneasel looks at Goro's lap for a moment, but stays put.]

I can see your thoughts too. Just so we're clear.

I've been trying not to read others' thoughts at all, if I see them... It's an invasion of privacy.

[Come here, Sneasel, you can sit in his lap, pat pat. He doesn't seem adverse.]

Between it and the texting thing, I kind of want to become a hermit.

[Running away again. Though maybe it's understandable this time? It's such trouble.]

Come on, detective boy. You're not gonna miss out on your first day of college, are you?

[Sneasel considers it a little more, and... Hovers next to him. He's still deciding if he wants any part in this, it seems.]

Being a hermit is boring. Be a nomad instead.

[And just like that, he switches from teasing Goro to trying to rope him into his hobo lifestyle.]

[That's fine, he was rejected earlier by Morrigan, nothing hurts more than an animal's rejection he is perfectly fine.]

I would, but that'd worry my mother too much. It was a lot of fun going from place to place all of last month though.

[And fighting. And being in near-constant danger of dying. It was oddly fun? Especially for a pacifist like himself.]

I think I'll take up travelling once I'm out of college. Or sign up for one of those study abroad programs. [...] Was there something in particular you wanted to speak about off the disaster that has becoming our messaging system?

[Well, you know what. He's going to cover Goro's eyes for this portion, lest he turn around and see his thoughts while he says this.]

I wanted to tell you to stop doubting yourself and hesitating. Everything's changing. You don't know what the future's going to bring.

[...This is really ominous. There's no way to say any of this without some serious, but... Man, he needs to cut the tension a little.]

Come on. Who the hell would hang out with you in the middle of the night without a good reason? You know how hard it is to get good sleep, don't you?

[Oh. Okay. Hello, hands. How... heartwarming, actually, Goro's left to pick at his clothes a little awkwardly as he settles more.]

... We're only friends.

[It's something he tries not to resent, and something he doesn't sound entirely sure on at this point because there's plenty of things pointing to testing the waters over simple friendship. But it could just be because he's hilariously easy to tease at times too.]

At least, I think we are. I admit I don't have a wealth of experience when it comes to things like this despite my age [which he feels is weird, like he's the odd one out, he knows that's not the case but] and I-- I fumble a fair amount, but a good friend would go out with you in the middle of the night to help you with sleeplessness, wouldn't they? And-- And whatever else there is -- the teases, momentary forwardness, what physicality is shared -- isn't anything but fun for him, with nothing behind it. I think.

[It would be nice if you made that move instead. Soft pink, fluffy cotton candy. Matches the heat on the back of his neck, groaning softly as he rubs his forehead.]

I know I'm easy to fluster when it comes to him, Silver, and I probably shouldn't let him tease me as much as he does, but I really enjoy the things that lead up to me wanting to die. I indulge in them, if you will, and-- I don't know, trying to figure out of he likes me or likes me or just likes teasing me because I like him and he knows that is worthy of one of Shakespeare's comedies. Or a high school romcom.

[... Whoo. He can breathe again. That's the first time he's put it all together in a vaguely competent string of worried words and he feels like Silver's going to call him stupid (because he is stupid, he knows) but it feels nice to get it off his chest, too. Especially to someone like Silver, who is one of his closer friends and a blunt asshole.]

[Silver takes in Goro's words for a good long while; he keeps his gaze fixed down and his hands over Goro's eyes so there's no intruding on anyone's thoughts while he does.]

I've never been in a lasting relationship. Never a nasty breakup, either. Just a few weeks of fun before we decided it wasn't working out, no big deal.

[And there's plenty he could say about that, about he never let it be more than that because of his own fears of attachment and rejection, about how he's not sure if he's simply not interested in anyone or if he's unwilling to consider the possibility of opening up to another person like that. But this isn't about him. This is about Goro.]

The thing is that dating isn't supposed to be some end all be all. It's where you learn about someone before moving into anything more serious. Asking Akira out on a date isn't asking to marry him. Worst case scenario, he says he isn't interested and you're right where you are right now.

You don't have to ask him out tomorrow, either. Just move at your own pace do what you think you won't regret. And stop putting yourself down about it immediately. He's a good friend. He's not just going to, I don't know, abandon you or something, so take it easy.

[...That's a little more gentle than he knows what to do with. Good thing Goro's eyes are still covered.]

[... That is a lot more gentle than usual, and Goro's not really sure what to do with it. Silver didn't even call him stupid. Goro lifts his hands to Silver's though, not exactly pulling them off just yet, and exhales quietly. Squeezing them a bit.]

I know he won't, but... it's... quite the fear of mine, that I'll say something wrong or too odd and that'll be the end of it. That doesn't apply just to him either, it's to everyone.

[His other self-- or... the person he's reconstructed from? The him from the other reality. That person is lonely and unhappy, Goro can feel it in different memories and only recently had a few memories that included the warmth of companionship, of something similar to friendship and the small pleasure that comes with it. He's better off than that person now, but he wasn't always. Exclusion is a childhood friend he lost contact with sometime in high school.

He shakes his head, pulling Silver's hands off this time and putting his face in his own instead. A heavier exhale, though he does seem calmer than just before.]

Even if I know it's a stupid thing to think and fear, it won't go away. Maybe he should have called me handful instead of beautisome... I know I can be. Like now. [A beat.] Sorry, you said not to put myself down about it, that's exactly what I'm doing.

Akira likes me, enough that he doesn't mind me hitting on him -- new development, I don't do it often but I'd like to, I want to fluster him as much as he does me -- or maybe he just doesn't care? And he's kissed me a few times now too, though I am certain that's just to tease me. I want to actually kiss him-- this must be weird to hear, I'm sorry.

[He needs to learn to shut up. Take it easy, Silver said. Surprisingly kind. Surprisingly gentle. The reason he and Elizabeth made that call out post, frankly speaking, and he tacks another line onto the list.]

... I do want to ask him out at some point, though. I'm just not certain it's the best idea either. For an unrelated to my nerves reason.

[...Goro is hopeless. But his feelings also hit sort of close to home. Sneasel frowns at both of them in concern; how the hell is he supposed to know which lap to sit on if they're both going to be like this? Damn.]

It's not a stupid fear. I guess we have something else in common.

[Or maybe it is a stupid fear, but either way, it's one that's incredibly easy to become reality; he knows that much first hand. Maybe he should tell Goro about that sometime. But for now-]

What's the other reason?

[... Silver would get things so out of context. Goro shakes his head, trying to figure out how to word it. A dark cloud begins to form meanwhile.]

Akira and I share certain memories. Visions. Whatever they are, past selves or other realities, we're of the same. So is Takamaki, but I haven't spoken to her about it, and... I think a dear friend of mine may be involved as well, though I could easily say that her last name is a coincidence.

That isn't all. He and I have the same power, something my other self thinks was given to him by the gods and another friend says comes by different means: the ability to summon a Persona. It doesn't usually happen in this kind of world, it happens... someplace else, someplace where cognition becomes reality, where you wear the outfit of rebellion and can wield a sword made of energy, a gun that shoots real lasers. I'll show you, if you'd like, but allow me to finish.

[He... will pet Sneasel, if the creature allows it, he kind of needs it. Goro swallows hard.]

This is conjuncture on my part, but considering the outfits are the same in both -- the Phantom Thieves I was after were, for some reason, able to use this power, and I ended up joining them. I don't know how I got them to accept my aid, but I certainly wasn't joining them out of the goodness of my heart. I joined them to betray them.

[This is such a long preface and... what's it got to do with Akira, Silver might wonder.]

I'm not certain, and I don't know if I want to ask, but I think Akira is one of them as well. Someone I betrayed. I know I shouldn't put stock into those things, but with what's been discussed and theorized -- Silver, [and his voice cracks a little,] what if we are those people?

[If he hurts Akira, i'll break his fingers.

What the hell did he do?

No, no- Goro's my friend. I've known him for years.

But he could betray him again.

But he wouldn't. He's trusting me with this. He's worried.

I can trust him too, can't I?

Can't I...?]

You piece of shit.

[Silver puts a hand on the back of his head, and...]

[...Pushes him down the slide, so he can look up at him as he yells. Loudly.]

I'm some kid that was kidnapped by some freak in a mask to be his little soldier. I was on a mission to take him out for years, and cared about nothing else. I grew up around magic animals like the one on your lap and fight with them. I had no problem doing all kinds of criminal stuff to get what I wanted. I'm also some kid that was kidnapped by some freak with no mask until I escaped and got swept up into the foster system. I've messed up every good thing I've ever had and can never be the son that Elda wants me to be. I'm stumbling through my life and pretending I know what I'm doing.

And right now I'm confused, I'm angry, and I'm upset, but you know what? I'm still me. I still get to decide the choices I make right now, and nothing's going to change that. So right now, I'm a fuck up, but I'm a fuck up that's going to take good care of my Pokémon and my friends and make sure I live so I don't have any regrets.

[Some angry jagged lines come out of his mouth, but his thought cloud matches up with his words perfectly. He slides down and looks directly at Goro.]

So tell me Goro, who the hell are you?

[Goro slides down with a yelp, turning around with narrowed eyes to give Silver some fucking words--

and sits speechless instead, eyes widening as it all spills out in jagged lines, something he never expected from Silver in the least. His chest is tight like wound string, knotted and useless to untangle, brows furrowing as he takes it in, as he considers the the question.

Who am I? I don't know. These powers are proof, aren't they? That I'm the same person as him?

Akira's going to remember someday, if he is one. Then what'll happen. Will we be friends still? Will he hate me?

He said once that "we're different"; that person in my visions and myself weren't the same, so it didn't matter what happened in them, but I-- I--

Goro's someone who's grabbing Silver into a hug is who he is, burying his face into the shoulder before him and pressing as close as he comfortably can. Sneasel's pretty squished between them if he's not careful, but Goro's certain, for some reason, that Sneasel doesn't mind.]

I'm sorry. [You went through so much. You shouldn't have to repeat that twice.] I don't know who I am, but I know who I want to be. Is that alright?

[...He's not sure why he's getting a hug, or why he's being apologized to, but it helps dissuade some of the more immediate fears that trickle in after he speaks. It's slow and hesitant, but he gives Goro a one armed hug, eventually settling on ruffling his hair a bit to try and comfort him while trying desperately not to look at his thoughts.

I shouldn't have said all of that. I shouldn't have-]

Yeah, that's plenty. That's all you need. I can give you a rough idea, if you ever want me to remind you.

[He's counting on me now. I can't run away.]

Please. I'd very much appreciate that, Silver, or at least a good punch. I'm certain it'd work just as well.

[He wouldn't even complain, he'd deserve it. Goro squeezes Silver a bit more before reluctantly moving off, standing and pressing his hands to his face, taking soft breathes to calm himself.]

... I'll try and forget what you told me, if you want. I can't imagine how hard that must've been to say, much less live through. [buddy there's a memory regain with your name on it in the future.] I don't want what happened there to affect what I have here. What I want here.

[Lonely. He felt so lonely, even surrounded by so many people. I don't want that. I don't want to be alone.]

[If he doesn't think any differently of me, it's not a big deal.]

Just don't spread that around, or I'll kick your ass.

[Lonely, huh... Damn, we really need to stop having stuff in common. Goro's gonna kill me for breaking the no peeking rule, too...]

Do you feel lonely right now?

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