twostringsonebow

[...Goro is hopeless. But his feelings also hit sort of close to home. Sneasel frowns at both of them in concern; how the hell is he supposed to know which lap to sit on if they're both going to be like this? Damn.]

It's not a stupid fear. I guess we have something else in common.

[Or maybe it is a stupid fear, but either way, it's one that's incredibly easy to become reality; he knows that much first hand. Maybe he should tell Goro about that sometime. But for now-]

What's the other reason?

[... Silver would get things so out of context. Goro shakes his head, trying to figure out how to word it. A dark cloud begins to form meanwhile.]

Akira and I share certain memories. Visions. Whatever they are, past selves or other realities, we're of the same. So is Takamaki, but I haven't spoken to her about it, and... I think a dear friend of mine may be involved as well, though I could easily say that her last name is a coincidence.

That isn't all. He and I have the same power, something my other self thinks was given to him by the gods and another friend says comes by different means: the ability to summon a Persona. It doesn't usually happen in this kind of world, it happens... someplace else, someplace where cognition becomes reality, where you wear the outfit of rebellion and can wield a sword made of energy, a gun that shoots real lasers. I'll show you, if you'd like, but allow me to finish.

[He... will pet Sneasel, if the creature allows it, he kind of needs it. Goro swallows hard.]

This is conjuncture on my part, but considering the outfits are the same in both -- the Phantom Thieves I was after were, for some reason, able to use this power, and I ended up joining them. I don't know how I got them to accept my aid, but I certainly wasn't joining them out of the goodness of my heart. I joined them to betray them.

[This is such a long preface and... what's it got to do with Akira, Silver might wonder.]

I'm not certain, and I don't know if I want to ask, but I think Akira is one of them as well. Someone I betrayed. I know I shouldn't put stock into those things, but with what's been discussed and theorized -- Silver, [and his voice cracks a little,] what if we are those people?

[If he hurts Akira, i'll break his fingers.

What the hell did he do?

No, no- Goro's my friend. I've known him for years.

But he could betray him again.

But he wouldn't. He's trusting me with this. He's worried.

I can trust him too, can't I?

Can't I...?]

You piece of shit.

[Silver puts a hand on the back of his head, and...]

[...Pushes him down the slide, so he can look up at him as he yells. Loudly.]

I'm some kid that was kidnapped by some freak in a mask to be his little soldier. I was on a mission to take him out for years, and cared about nothing else. I grew up around magic animals like the one on your lap and fight with them. I had no problem doing all kinds of criminal stuff to get what I wanted. I'm also some kid that was kidnapped by some freak with no mask until I escaped and got swept up into the foster system. I've messed up every good thing I've ever had and can never be the son that Elda wants me to be. I'm stumbling through my life and pretending I know what I'm doing.

And right now I'm confused, I'm angry, and I'm upset, but you know what? I'm still me. I still get to decide the choices I make right now, and nothing's going to change that. So right now, I'm a fuck up, but I'm a fuck up that's going to take good care of my Pokémon and my friends and make sure I live so I don't have any regrets.

[Some angry jagged lines come out of his mouth, but his thought cloud matches up with his words perfectly. He slides down and looks directly at Goro.]

So tell me Goro, who the hell are you?

[Goro slides down with a yelp, turning around with narrowed eyes to give Silver some fucking words--

and sits speechless instead, eyes widening as it all spills out in jagged lines, something he never expected from Silver in the least. His chest is tight like wound string, knotted and useless to untangle, brows furrowing as he takes it in, as he considers the the question.

Who am I? I don't know. These powers are proof, aren't they? That I'm the same person as him?

Akira's going to remember someday, if he is one. Then what'll happen. Will we be friends still? Will he hate me?

He said once that "we're different"; that person in my visions and myself weren't the same, so it didn't matter what happened in them, but I-- I--

Goro's someone who's grabbing Silver into a hug is who he is, burying his face into the shoulder before him and pressing as close as he comfortably can. Sneasel's pretty squished between them if he's not careful, but Goro's certain, for some reason, that Sneasel doesn't mind.]

I'm sorry. [You went through so much. You shouldn't have to repeat that twice.] I don't know who I am, but I know who I want to be. Is that alright?

[...He's not sure why he's getting a hug, or why he's being apologized to, but it helps dissuade some of the more immediate fears that trickle in after he speaks. It's slow and hesitant, but he gives Goro a one armed hug, eventually settling on ruffling his hair a bit to try and comfort him while trying desperately not to look at his thoughts.

I shouldn't have said all of that. I shouldn't have-]

Yeah, that's plenty. That's all you need. I can give you a rough idea, if you ever want me to remind you.

[He's counting on me now. I can't run away.]

Please. I'd very much appreciate that, Silver, or at least a good punch. I'm certain it'd work just as well.

[He wouldn't even complain, he'd deserve it. Goro squeezes Silver a bit more before reluctantly moving off, standing and pressing his hands to his face, taking soft breathes to calm himself.]

... I'll try and forget what you told me, if you want. I can't imagine how hard that must've been to say, much less live through. [buddy there's a memory regain with your name on it in the future.] I don't want what happened there to affect what I have here. What I want here.

[Lonely. He felt so lonely, even surrounded by so many people. I don't want that. I don't want to be alone.]

[If he doesn't think any differently of me, it's not a big deal.]

Just don't spread that around, or I'll kick your ass.

[Lonely, huh... Damn, we really need to stop having stuff in common. Goro's gonna kill me for breaking the no peeking rule, too...]

Do you feel lonely right now?

[He gives Silver an odd look before it dawns on him, turning his face away. He peeked...]

No, I don't. I haven't in a while. But it's not... an easily forgotten feeling.

[Sorry. He takes Goro's hands; it's his turn to have his eyes covered.]

You're telling me. The good news is that your friends aren't going anywhere, so...

[You'll never be that lonely. That's what he wants to say, but he goes silent and holds a hand up to his head.]

[Oh, okay, that's his punishment huh. Consider yourself blinded.

... Or not? Goro waits a moment before lowering his hands, tilting his head. Memory..?]

I appreciate your words, Silver. [Is he okay?] Though with Retrospec's deal, it's a little odd to consider them permanent in that way. Even if they technically wouldn't leave.

[He shakes his head briefly and takes a moment to get his bearings.

Why was I on fire? Where the hell are we? Can they really hold up that enormous ship? At least I know what Aoi's called now, but... Right, right, what was I-]

Sorry. Memories.

[I missed what he said, didn't I? We were talking about something important. About how he's not going to be alone, and...]

You know I'd be around, even without them. I wouldn't get some things, but...

[There was way too much about that that I didn't get. Who's the old guy that was barbecue with me? Why is it so hard to make out what I was saying? --Come on, stop, focus-

It's no use, and Silver parks his butt on the floor and pulls out his sketchbook. Maybe if he gets it all down, he can worry about it later.]

Edited 2017-09-11 06:18 (UTC)

[That's... a lot of thoughts going on in there; Goro can't help but read them, breaking his own peeking rule just to find out what's wrong with his friend, and his puzzlement grows with every new bit of information.

He wisely keeps his comments to himself for now, waiting for Silver to finish before speaking up.]

One, it wouldn't be the same. [Firmly.] One of my friends... she recently came into the app as well, and I've felt more connected to her than I have the past few months. So it's not the same.

[That's loneliness. I couldn't stand it if Haru went dark again, if something happened to one of them... Why was I counting again? Oh, right--]

Two... are you okay, Silver? It didn't seem like a very pleasant experience this time. [...] Sorry. I peeked.

You naughty boy.

[The joke is half-hearted, and Silver flips through many (many, many) pages in his sketchbook, filled to the brim with different creatures, some scenes, and a few notes until he reaches a few key drawings he needs to label. First is "Feraligatr," then "Green," then finds a fresh page to draw... Well. A few things, actually. A large duck with a gem in its head, a large turtle with cannons coming out of its shell, a... dinosaur? A rhino? what the fuck is that. Then comes a new page where he sketches a girl with a long ponytail and some buff middle aged man with slicked back hair. No names for these two, although the middle aged man gets "route 6?" and in a corner is "who is red?" before Silver opens up a final page and... Tries really hard to draw a weird ass air ship he doesn't precisely comprehend. It goes about as well as you'd think. By the time he's reached the airship, he's at least collected himself enough to explain things.]

We were trying to stop some giant airship from crashing into a city. If I was with Blue, I was probably in Kanto. And, uh... Me and this old man were on fire at some point. He looked like he needed medical attention. But it wasn't all bad.

[He pulls his Pokédex out of his bag and shows it to Goro.]

This thing means I'm part of some superhero team, and I decided to step up to the plate.

[I'll accept being an anti-hero. Better than super villainy.]

The only part that's throwing me is that I couldn't make out half of what I was saying. Enough to get the idea, but nothing more.

Edited 2017-09-11 07:08 (UTC)

I see. How heroic of you.

[Interesting... Can he hold the dex, he wants to look at it more.]

You're welcome for the memory, I guess. I don't suppose it was born from your dramatic speech that I really did appreciate?

[two and two together, man.]

Probably. Guess I've got a knack for being dramatic.

[Knock yourself out, Goro. It's full of information on a bunch of Pokémon, both Silver's and otherwise- and man are there a bunch in there- but the information's disjointed. Some are missing names, others descriptions.

The real fun starts if Goro points it at Sneasel- it'll bring Sneasel's information right up, as well as his health, status... There seems like there's a section for moves, but it's also blank. Memory stuff is inconvenient like that.]

I know it's different with people not on the app. That was you for a while, remember?

[This is amazingly on par with modern technology, wow. He glances through it with genuine interest, checking out some of the nameless ones. Oooh.]

Yes, I remember. I like it much more now, now that I can appreciate it.

[I wonder if I was jerks to a stop above his head, grip tightening on the Pokédex.]

[Yeah, you better appreciate... It...

Silver stares at him for a moment before it clicks; he's remembering something, isn't he? The problem is that there's very little that would make for a good memory out of what they just talked about. Sneasel doesn't know what's going on, exactly, but heads over to Goro's side anyway.]

Goro?

[Buddy?]

[For all he is, Goro isn't someone who cries easily -- not anymore, anyway, and there's a sharp inhale of breath that marks it before he's ducking his head away, shuddering. His thoughts are much more helpful.

She's dead? Mom-- Mom's dead? No, not my mom, his--

Just like Silver, unwanted, unloved, that's what he--]

I'm okay, [but his cracked voice says the opposite, even if he's wiping at his face and trying to even his breathes.] Sorry. Sorry, I-- I'm fine.

[Silver pauses, not quite understanding what's going on at first, but- he's alone, isn't he? Goro's said that he doesn't want that lonely feeling, is that why?]

Goro.

[But that's just in his memories, isn't it? His mom-]

Go home. Go see your mom.

I know she's fine, Silver, she didn't--

[die because of me, unspoken, loudly thought, darkness billowing around the words. His next breath is a shudder too, hands pressed to keep pressure behind his eyes.]

... I think I should, though. It... might be good to lie down for a while.

...I'll come with you. Come on.

[Whatever happened, it's not your fault. Maybe that's an overly optimistic thing to believe, but who cares? Goro wouldn't do something like that. It's that simple.]

[What faith... well-placed faith, admittedly, but faith nonetheless; he wobbles when he stands, legs feeling like they're both to give under him, but he manages to hold himself up.]

... Thank you. [For the thought, for the offer.] I'm sure my mother wants to finally meet one of my friends anyway. Even if that person is you.

[See? Normal. Totally fine, even if... it's lacking his usual teasing tone, more distant.]

Don't worry, I'll tell her all about how much trouble we get into.

[Maybe a little gentle ribbing is what he needs right now.]

She wouldn't believe you.

[.......]

Probably. I wasn't exactly an angel when I was a child.

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